A Decade Later: Here is What I Have Learned

In front of my old NYC apartment, 7/13/2014

I started this blog as a hobby, a way to share all the great shops, restaurants, and events in DC that make life as a Washingtonian so fantastic.  But forgive me as I digress this week on to a more personal subject.

I celebrated my 29th birthday on Sunday by spending a long weekend in Manhattan with my husband. We were in my lower east side neighborhood and decided to pass by my old apartment. As I stood there looking at that prewar brownstone (which to my eye seems to be completely unchanged in the last decade) I began to wonder, how have I changed? And what have I learned?

I moved to New York from my tiny hometown of Seguin, TX at the age of 17. I was fresh out of high school and going to college at the New York School of Interior Design.  I decided to leave New York at 19 and transfer to LSU to finish my design degree, mostly to save myself from being rent poor - and let's face it, just generally poor, in Manhattan for my foreseeable future.

So, 19 to 29. From the time I said goodbye to that apartment a decade ago to present day...if I could go back and give my 19 year old self advice, what would it be?

A decade later, here is what I have learned:

Find out what you love most, and get a job that allows you to do it.
One of the best pieces of advice anyone ever gave me came from my first real client.  I was interning at a high end residential interior design firm in DC between my Junior and Senior years of college.  I was assisting on the design of a recently purchased luxury condo owned by a very successful couple. On my last day the wife gave me a hug, thanked me for my work over the summer, and gave me the advice stated above.  She used herself as an example. She loved art.  It was her life's true passion. Was she an artist? A curator? A gallery owner? No. She didn't work in the field at all, she did something entirely different.  But her 8-5 job allowed her the means to travel and acquire art for her own personal collection, hanging in her home where she could see it and enjoy it everyday. Your life's passion does not have to be your life's work, perhaps find the work that gives you the means to enjoy what you are truly passionate about it.

Find your personal style, and own it. 
How you dress is how you present yourself to the world. Your appearance is the first thing people notice and could be the last thing they remember. Put your best foot forward. When you leave the house in the morning you should feel like your most authentic self, and carry that confidence throughout the day. Experiment with different color palettes, brands, styles and figure out what best suits you. And as Tom Ford says, "Dressing well is a form of good manners." Let's be polite, ladies.

If you do not prioritize your life, someone else will. 
When I was in my early 20s my entire life revolved around work. I thought, "I'm just starting out in my career. I have to earn my stripes! Put in the hours now, pay my dues." I said yes to everything - any task that needed done, no matter how much it extended my work load or put a serious cramp in my social life. I thought after a year or so things would settle down, they never did.

I kept getting more put on my plate because I always got the work done and I never turned anyone down. There was a point where I literally worked every weekend for 6 months in a row.  And then I hit bottom, had a melt down, and realized I had to stop letting others define my life's direction.

You can be a team player without letting others prioritize their work load over your personal health and happiness. Work hard but work smart. You have to find a work-life balance that works for you and no one, no one, is going to make that a priority but you.

Wear sunscreen. 
I say this because I am 29 years old and have many a dark spots showing up on my face. It sounds annoying but seriously, just throw on some Oil Free Neutrogena every morning under your makeup. Your future face will thank you.

It is OK to end a friendship.
This is a tough one, for many reasons.  We all love our girlfriends. They are basically our family in our 20s. Through guys, jobs, and - well, more guys - they are our shoulder to cry on and the emotional support system that gives us the strength to pick ourselves back up.  What you will find as you get older is that your girlfriends will change and sometimes, you will grow apart.  If a girlfriend is bringing only stress and drama into your life, it is perfectly acceptable to call it quits.

Life is too short to spend time with unpleasant company. While the process of ending a friendship is extremely difficult, in the end it is better for you and fairer to them.

"No" is a complete sentence.
It does not require further explanation and it certainly does not require a feeling of guilt.  Friends, family, and co-workers will always ask you to do things.  Inevitably, you feel like a bad person for not accepting their invitation or not wanting to go along with the plans.  As you get older and you start your career, perhaps you get married, or have kids - you get busy. Like, really busy. You have to choose how you want to spend your personal time, because frankly, there will be very little of it.

You do not have to accept every invitation.  And when you decline, don't feel guilty for not explaining why you are not attending.  Friends should not expect a full disclosure as to why you politely decline the occasional social event. And return the same courtesy if they decline one of yours.

You just know.
Whenever you ask someone, "How did you know he was the one?" and they say "You just know" and you secretly think, "You're crazy" - well, I'm here to tell you all those years of hearing that same answer...was spot on. You really do 'just know'.

This is coming not only from my personal experience of meeting my now husband, but also a bit of surveying I've done from other formerly-single now presently-married girlfriends. I wish there was some clear sign that a man could give you to let you know you both have made the right choice, that you were meant to be together.  But it really is just a feeling, and you really will just know.

I consider myself to be a very practical, logical, and maybe overly cautious person. So, when I met my (now) husband on a Friday, went to Mexico with him 5 weeks later, and moved in together after 3 months...my parents thought an alien had taken over my body.  This was so outside my normal behavior and I even thought I had gone off my rocker.  But I hadn't.

Every decision I made wasn't crazy but I just knew that he was the one. Don't get me wrong, before my husband were many a first dates gone wrong, month long relationships gone stale, and straight up heart break from the guys who made it past the first round.

You will meet lots of guys. You will most likely get your heart broken, and it will totally suck.  But you will learn from it, move past it, and focus on yourself.  Hang in there because eventually you will meet Mr. Right and you will...well, just know.